Gather round, my lovely lunatics! Your attention, if you please! The king has lost his trousers! The queen has stolen the cheese!
The orchestra is ready, The curtains are a mess, And if you've come for answers... I'm afraid you've dressed incorrectly!
I woke up late on Monday, With a teapot on my head, A penguin in the bathroom And a duchess in my bed!
I went downstairs for breakfast, But the butler had resigned, He said he'd found a better job Inside a pantomime!
I had a little trouble With my trousers and my tie, The vicar stole my bicycle And taught the cat to fly!
Oh, what a lovely morning, What a perfectly splendid day, I've lost my sense of dignity, But that's okay!
So everybody dance! Everybody sing! Put your left foot in the soup And give your hat a ring!
We're going out in style, We're going out in flames, We've got absolutely nothing But we've got some fancy names!
Oh, la-di-da, tra-la-la, The world is going mad! If this is how the story ends, Well, darling, isn't that just grand?!
I took a little taxi To the palace by the sea, The driver was a kangaroo Who charged me seventeen!
The queen was doing yoga, The king was making tea, The royal court was arguing About a missing bee!
The general was tap dancing, The bishop played guitar, The prime minister was hiding In a pickle jar!
And when they asked me who I was, I bowed and said with pride: "I'm just the bloody idiot Who paid to come inside!"
TENOR: Where is the king?!
SOPRANO: He's in the sink!
BASS: He's had too much to drink!
TENOR: Where is the queen?!
SOPRANO: She's turned sixteen?!
BASS: She's selling gasoline!
ALL: OH NO! OH MY! THE PUDDING'S LEARNED TO FLY!
LEAD – Spoken: I say! That's rather inconvenient!
CHOIR: INCONVENIENT! INCONVENIENT! INCONVENIENT!
LEAD: Well, somebody call the fire brigade!
CHOIR: THE FIRE BRIGADE! THE FIRE BRIGADE!
LEAD: Oh, never mind. It's only the soufflé.
And when the lights are fading, And the orchestra goes home, When all the grand illusions Leave you dancing on your own,
Don't cry about the endings, Don't mourn the things gone by, There's always one more reason To put glitter in the sky.
For life's a little circus, And we're all a little strange, You can't control the weather, But you can rearrange!
So everybody dance! Everybody sing! Raise your glass to nothing And make a toast to everything!
We're going out in style, With a smile upon our face, The universe is ridiculous, And that's its saving grace!
Oh, la-di-da, tra-la-la, The show has just begun! If you can't beat the madness, Darling, join the fun!
Well...
That's the end, I do believe.
The curtain's down, The orchestra's asleep, The critics have gone home, And somebody's nicked my sheep.
But before we say goodbye...
One last thing!
LEAD: Wasn't that a lovely evening?
CHOIR: YES!
LEAD: Did everybody have a wonderful time?
CHOIR: YES!
LEAD: Did anybody understand what happened?
CHOIR: NO!
LEAD: Excellent!
Goodnight, everybody!
Oh! And mind the penguin on your way out!
